On January 23, 2022, my life forever changed. I was out trail running with one of my best friends and had a seizure. It was so scary; I was frozen in my own body and yet aware of what was going on around me. I felt so uncomfortable and was praying that the sensation would stop. I hoped Eric would realize I was not behind him anymore and find me. It seemed like an eternity had passed, but it was probably only a minute or two. After a ride to the ER and some tests, I was diagnosed with brain cancer. The news was delivered with grim facial expressions and a bunch of I’m sorrys. At the time I didn’t really understand what that meant. I didn’t understand what having cancer meant. I thought you just have surgery, go through radiation and/or chemotherapy, and then go and live your life. I was not prepared for the prognosis discussion and the stark new reality I had to face. Currently, for my particular cancer there is no cure, only time and management. This was a very hard pill to swallow and put me in a dark place. I had to decide to be grateful that I did have some time and to try to make the most of the time I had.
Running has always been a source of joy and a safe place to relieve stress among friends. Now I was terrified to run, especially outside, or in the woods. Most likely a bit of PTSD from the initial telling “event”. My friends and family did not give up on me and kept asking and inviting me to participate in the usual group run, workout, etc. At some point, I said yes and took that first step. It was emotional and a bit of a relief. Before too long, we entered a 5K, and my friends really showed up to support me. We all ran together wearing fake tattoos with the grey brain cancer awareness ribbon. After that race, I got it in my head to add the Boston Marathon to my bucket list.
I am currently a patient at Dana Farber and am so thankful for the wonderful care I have received. From the outside, I look “normal”, whatever that means, but I deal with neurological challenges daily and am at seizure risk for the rest of my life. I think about my mortality. I think about my kids, my friends, and my family. I live and make decisions daily based on my quality of life and not wasting the time I have. What is important? What is left to experience? How can I create meaning and make a difference?
I am honored to have been selected to run as part of the DFMC team and raise money in support of the Claudia Adams Barr Program in Innovative Basic Cancer Research at Dana Farber Cancer Institute. My hope is they can continue to improve survival rates and quality of life for all of us affected by cancer. My hope is to have more time. My hope is to live a full life. My hope is for those that follow me to have one too. Please help me support this cause and rid the world of cancer because frankly, it sucks.
